


It's Okay To Not Be Okay

by dontshootmespence



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, M/M, PTSS, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25870060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontshootmespence/pseuds/dontshootmespence
Summary: After losing Phil, Luke struggles to cope. He retreats, not wanting to talk to anybody. But Spencer isn’t about to let his friend struggle alone.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)
Relationships: Luke Alvez/Spencer Reid
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Spencer of all people knew what it was like to want to retreat into oneself after a tragedy. After Henkel? Check. Into drug addiction as a matter of fact. After watching Lindsay’s father shoot a kid right in front of him? Yup. After watching Maeve get shot in the head? Check. Almost delved back into dilaudid for the that one. After losing Gideon? Yup. After prison? Duh. Suffice it to say, he and post traumatic stress disorder weaved a tangled web from which he’d probably never truly break free. But after so many confrontations with PTSS, he was learning how to deal with things.

It wasn’t like this was the first time Luke had gone through something traumatic, losing Phil. In this line of work it basically came with the territory. And he could probably recognize PTSS in himself, even figure out how to deal with it. But after all he’d done for Spencer while he was in prison, how hard he’d advocated for him despite barely knowing him at all, Spencer wasn’t about to let Luke suffer alone.

Before Spencer knew it, he was knocking on the door. For all Spencer knew, Luke would slam the door in his face. It had definitely been one of his own signature moves. 

“Spencer?” Luke greeted, his voice groggy like maybe he’d been woken from a nap. “What are you doing here?”

Spencer gave him a half-hearted smile. “Checking in on you.”

“I’m fine.” He lied. Why did they always lie? Spencer had done it too. Why? Why was it not okay to not be okay?

“Bullshit.”

Luke’s eyes went wide and for the first time since Phil’s death, Spencer heard Luke laugh. “Doctor Reid, mind your language.” 

“No, I’m calling you on it.”

“My bullshit?”

“Yes. Can I come in?”

Luke opened the door slowly. The dim lights in the apartment did little to hide the fact that the place was in disarray. It looked a lot like his place had after Maeve’s death. “Sorry,” Luke said. “Haven’t had a chance to clean up.”

“Doesn’t bother me. My own place has looked worse.” He decided to be frank with Luke since it elicited the only positive response he’d seen in weeks. “You on the other hand. You look like shit.”

Luke feigned hurt and held his chest. “Language! And thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.”

“You aren’t sleeping.”

“No shit!”

Spencer smacked the wall. “Ha! So, you admit you aren’t okay?”

Instantly, playful banter gave way to solemness. “No, I’m not,” Luke replied, unceremoniously plopping down onto the couch. “I can’t. Every time I close my eyes, I wonder what I could’ve done differently to save him.”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“You don’t think I go over every detail surrounding Maeve and Gideon’s deaths? After they died, it happened constantly. It still happens from time to time. It’s normal.”

Luke spoke, resigned. “I know. But I don’t care. It sucks and I can’t stop it.”

Spencer walked across the room and sat at the other end of the couch. “Well, there’s exposure and cognitive therapy, and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing if you feel that it’s truly getting in the way of you living your life.”

Luke adamantly shook his head. “No, no, no. I mean, I can still work. I function.”

“Do you want to function?” Spencer asked. “Or do you want to live?” How easy it was to think clearly when you weren’t the one in the midst of it. 

“You sound like a motivational speaker.”

“Shut up,” Spencer laughed. Silence hung between them for a moment. It was comfortable, pregnant with possibility, but it wasn’t the time. “All I’m saying is there are active ways that you can help yourself without therapy.”

“Enlighten me, Doctor.”

“Don’t shut us out.” Spencer cleared his throat. “I’m worried about you. The team is worried about you.”

“Why? I function,” he said, putting air quotes around the word.

“You haven’t been out with the team since. Even though you’re still great at your job, you get short with us much more often than you used to. You can’t say his name. You admitted you can’t sleep. You-”

“Alright, alright I get it.” Luke combed his hands through his hair, practically pulling it from the roots. “No, I don’t want to just function. It’s just...it’s hard. I don’t want to bring other people down.”

“Start small. Come out with us for one drink and then go home. Work into it. Just...realize we’re all here. It’s how I quote unquote got passed Gideon’s death. Morgan would not leave me the fuck alone until I started going out with the team again. He showed up to my door constantly. Don’t make me do that to you.”

Chuckling, Luke allowed his head to fall back into the couch. “Wouldn’t want that. I’ll come out for a drink next time you guys go out. I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

“I’m counting on it.”


End file.
